


A Safe Place to Fall

by Mayonaka_no_Tenshi



Series: Precious Moments (on and off the ice) [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:23:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayonaka_no_Tenshi/pseuds/Mayonaka_no_Tenshi
Summary: Increasingly anxious after a frustrating week of practice and the next competition looming on the horizon Yuuri withdraws into himself trying to deal with the emotions on his own only to be reminded that he doesn't have to deal with everything alone anymore.





	A Safe Place to Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this taking place after Yuuri has moved in with Victor in St. Petersburg but before they both compete at World's.
> 
>  
> 
> Might need a bit of editing but I really wanted to just get it posted. Let me know if you find any glaring mistakes.

It had been a bad day.

It had been a bad week.

After several days of less than productive practices and with the upcoming competition looming, the building frustration and anxiety has gotten in under Yuuri’s skin so that he just feels like he wants to rip it off and maybe scream, or cry, or _something_.

Instead, he’s been silent and sullen, holding in the turbulent emotions under a forced calm. He'd barely spoken to Victor this morning, and getting words to come out has been getting harder and harder the last few days. Today he probably didn’t speak an entire sentence to anyone during practice.

It isn’t that he doesn’t want to say anything, but there’s just too much inside him and it doesn’t seem to fit into words. Not only that, but it’s bad enough that _he_ has to deal with how messed up he’s feeling, he doesn’t want to make it anyone else’s problem too. He's afraid that if he even lets out even a little, the rest will come spilling out in an uncontrollable flood that would overwhelm anyone around for it, so it's just safer to keep everything inside instead. He’s dealt with these things before anyway, he can do it again, in time, he just needs to focus on practice and work through it on his own later.

Victor hasn’t outright asked him if anything is wrong, but Yuuri had seen the looks of concern all week, and the suggestions that he could take a break if he needed one were pretty transparent too.

Still, Victor never does push or pry. He'd only becoming insistent that Yuuri work on something else after he'd fallen on too many jumps in a row. Yuuri had wanted to argue, the words on the tip of his tongue, ready to spring free, but behind them was also the familiar burn of all those pent up feelings eager to escape as well, so he held his tongue, teeth closed tight to lock in everything that threatened to push itself out beyond the walls he refused to admit were beginning to crumble. He gave a short nod instead before moving back out onto the ice, ignoring the feeling of Victor's eyes following him all the way.

Yuuri did take one break while Victor was working on his own freeskate with Yakov. Yuuri had been running through his own choreography, in the meantime, when he decided to get a drink. He’d stood there catching his breath and holding his water bottle as his eyes caught the smooth movements of that graceful figure of silver haired perfection as he glided across the ice with seeming effortlessness.

A knot twisted in his stomach at the vision, one of those complicated knots that would surely take an age to untangle if it were made of string. Watching Victor, he can’t tell where his awe, admiration, and love begin, and the feelings of unworthiness and self doubt end. He loves seeing Victor skate, perhaps more so now than when he was a child, but it’s also frankly intimidating seeing Victor performing in practice and seeming just as perfect as any performance Yuuri had ever seen in competition, and he’s supposed to compete against _that_ in a few weeks?

He knows he should look away, but that's something Yuuri has never been able to do before, and Victor is no less mesmerizing now. The moment Victor stops, however, he does look away, returning to his own practice in an attempt to lose himself and push back his fears by focusing again on the ice beneath his skates. It's a futile effort, he knows, but he tries anyway.

They are both silent on the way home that night. He can feel the questions in Victor, how much he wants to ask if Yuuri’s okay. Yuuri is grateful that he doesn't, not because the questions themselves would be unwelcome, but because he doesn't want to disappoint Victor when he just can't answer. He feels like he should apologize, but the words stick in his throat and he remains silent.

They prepare a simple dinner that evening, working together as usual, a habit they'd started almost since the first day Yuuri had moved in. Victor is chatting softly about the day and what has been going on with the other skaters. Usually they both share their day, but Victor seems content to fill in for Yuuri's continued silence. Yuuri feels some guilt as he listens to what is going on with their rinkmates, things he really should have noticed himself or found out by talking to them as he normally would. He's aware he has a strong tendency towards tunnel vision when he gets like this, causing him to ignore and block out everyone else. However, it is also oddly comforting just to hear Victor's voice as he recounts the day in a soft but light tone.

They eat in front of the tv, a movie playing on the screen they'd both seen before but enjoyed enough to watch again, something full of over the top action, and dialogue that continually danced on that delicate edge between cool and ridiculous. It was something easy to watch and ignore at the same time.

When they finish eating Yuuri gathers up the dishes, taking them to the sink so he can rinse them off before putting them in the dishwasher.

He returns to the living room a few minutes later to see Victor stretched out on the sofa now, legs straight and back propped up against some of the side cushions. Their eyes meet and Victor pats his leg lightly in invitation, soft smile on his lips, and a hopeful look in his eyes.

Yuuri thinks it would probably be better if he just went to their room instead, where he can deal with the worry and frustration still churning just below the surface on his own. It’s be better if he doesn't disturb Victor's night with his problems.

But seeing his boyfriend there, looking hopeful and expectant, like all he wants is to wrap Yuuri up in those long, strong arms, makes Yuuri's heart clench and all he wants is to let him.

He should just go to the room, he thinks, he should take the opportunity to be by himself and deal with his feelings the way he has so often in the past, but he doesn’t leave, unable to deny that a large part of him wants so badly to be close to Victor. His bare feet carry him back to the sofa before he even has the chance to think the action through, anticipating the feeling of that solid warmth wrapping around him.

He places his knees down on the small space next to Victor's legs and leans himself forward putting his arms around the warm relaxed body beneath him and burying his face against Victor's shoulder, shuddering slightly as he feels those arms wrap around him just as he'd imagined.

He lets himself sink into the feeling of being wrapped warm and safe in the arms of the man he loves so much, breathing in the familiar scent of skin and soap.

The next exhale comes out as a sob and suddenly the tears are falling freely as silent sobs continue to rip through him. That immediate acceptance and love he felt as Victor wrapped him up in his arms, had been all it took to finally break through the dam still holding back the flood of emotions that had been fighting to break free all along. He clutches onto the body beneath him even tighter as he feels gentle fingers run soothingly through his hair, the other arm still holding him firmly, and the soft rumble of Victor's voice offering tender reassurances.

Everything comes out of him, wordlessly, as he cries into Victor. His fears of failure and feelings of unworthiness. His frustration and worries that everyone will be disappointed. The disbelief he still feels at times that Victor really wants him, really loves him, and isn’t just going to leave as he’d felt sure would happen for so many months.

Yuuri's not sure how long he continues crying, as the flood of emotions are released, but eventually the sobs settle into a kind of soft snuffling.

Victor is still stroking gently over his hair and back, even softer kisses are pressed into his hair, and Yuuri let’s himself go to the sudden feeling of safety and almost peace as exhaustion finally overtakes him.

 

 

Yuuri wakes sometime later in a slightly different position than he remembers and realizes he must have dozed off. He still feels heavy with emotional exhaustion but at the same time it's like a large weight has been lifted from him. He feels emptied out, but in a way that feels as if he’s been washed clean.

He just lies there for several moments, taking in everything around him, breathing slowly and thinking how much easier it feels to do that simple action, as if he’d been suffocating this whole week and hadn’t even realized it.

The first thing he notices outside himself is Victor's warm body still beneath him; the gentle rise and fall of breath, steady and comforting in it’s rhythm; those arms still holding him close that he can't help snuggling himself into a little more, relishing the warmth they surround him with.

The shifting of his body alerts the other man to the fact he’s woken up and Yuuri feels the grip around him tighten slightly, "How are you feeling?" Victor asks, voice barely above a whisper.

"Better, I think. ... I'm sorry. "

"Huh? What for?"

He tries to bury himself further into Victor's chest, "For breaking down and crying all over you. I didn't mean to bother you with all that."

"Yuuri,”

The tone in Victor's voice makes it clear he wants Yuuri to look at him but it takes a few seconds for him to muster the courage to do so.

The look that meets his eyes, once he manages to raise his head, is one of loving concern as a hand reaches up to caress along the side of his face before lightly cupping it, fingertips brushing lightly at the edges of his hair. He can't help leaning into the hand, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes briefly before meeting the brilliant blue gaze still trained on him.

"Yuuri, what do I have to do to get you to finally understand that I want to be here to help you in any way I can. I know you need time to yourself sometimes and I'll give it to you whenever you need it, but if I can do anything that can help in any way please let me. You never need to feel as if you can’t come to me or that asking me for help would ever be unwelcome. You have nothing to apologize for tonight, I was happy knowing I could just be there for you, that you felt comfortable enough to come to me. I want to be here for you Yuuri, through the good and the bad. Please let me, whenever you need it.“

Yuuri just kept looking into the face before him. Once upon a time, this face had been only a dream, a static image gracing every surface of his walls, that he’d looked to for inspiration and motivation. Now that face is so much more. It’s something real and full of feeling he’d never thought would be directed his way, yet here it is, the embodiment of all the love and support he’d never thought possible, plain before him. It’s all so much more than he’d ever dared wish for concentrated in those two points of blue now focused wholly on him.

He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and carefully leans his forehead against Victor’s, “Thank you,” he whispers, trying to put all the feelings he doesn’t know how to verbalize, now so different than they had been an hour ago, into the breath that carries the words to the man he only seems to love more each day.

“Always,” a whisper of equal intensity returns to him, “always and forever.”

Their lips come together then, in unconscious agreement, both needing the reassuring contact and expression of their mutual feelings.

A few moments later, Yuuri cuddles himself back against Victor as those god sent arms hold him close and tight again.

It’s late, and they should probably head to bed soon, but right now, he just wants to take comfort in this moment, in this feeling. After a week feeling so unsteady an unsure, after a lifetime of it, he’s finally found a safe place he can fall.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr at [@mayonaka-no-tenshi](https://mayonaka-no-tenshi.tumblr.com) and [@mayonaka_no_yoi](https://mayonaka-no-yoi.tumblr.com) for YOI only content.


End file.
